That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
