i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
