I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize