He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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