Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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