Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
