bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
