i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
