i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
