My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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