yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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