just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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