I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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