The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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