when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
