she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
