You kept calling me your small dog last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
