Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize