would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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