its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
