Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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