I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
