Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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