went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.