I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...