there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.