My pussy is not your playground.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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