Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.