He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
