the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
