I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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