So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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