i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
