I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
last night I used snow as a chaser
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
