You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
