no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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