if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
