I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
