if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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