living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
