I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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