He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
