I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Who died my cat blue again?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
