he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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