I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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