The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
