I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
