Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
