just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
