Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
