I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize