I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All the doctor said was why
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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