you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
