why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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