One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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