These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
