Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
