Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i will never coherently bang her
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
