We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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