I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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