Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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