there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
